I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
