Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
