all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
