Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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