you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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