I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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