You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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