Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
