I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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