My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
FUCK WHALES
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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