Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
