woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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