I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
