you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
