next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
