Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
