Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
