dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
