I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
