I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my sisters under your porch take her home
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
