I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
