Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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