This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
is that a dick in a sweater?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
