They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
