He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
