If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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