No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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