My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
