I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
