My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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