I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I stole a fireplace last night.
being pregnant is like rehab
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
