dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't deserve a penis
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
