My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
