Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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