At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He has the fingertips of a God
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