The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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