if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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