You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
