and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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