i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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