First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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