I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
