Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
