I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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