I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
