My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
