I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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