I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
