Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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