sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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