they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Someone shit on the floor
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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