So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
