chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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