If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
