Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
