You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
