someone threw a dead crab at me
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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