please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
