Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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