I wish I could punch you in the face.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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