you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
