he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
