Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
