he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
