woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You pole danced in your parka.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
