If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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